Speaking about sex workers is rarely a good idea, as the discussion often tends to slide into extremes: they are either portrayed as exploited victims and deviants, or conversely, sex workers are painted a flashy portrait, as glamorous companions. In rare occasions does either of the scenarios hold true, and we could talk about this forever. But let’s set straight several things about the escorting profession. Here is a list of the nuts and bolts of the escorting profession told by escorts themselves, and others from the adult industry& friends.

1.   Selling your body is degrading

This type of moral outrage may be singularly halting the improvement of sex workers’ job conditions. Putting a price on your body and time is not a feature exclusive of the adult business. Any kind of labor, manual or office-based, implies selling your time and skills in exchange for money. And the body is not priceless either. Think about the much less frowned-upon health insurance business. What it does is exactly that: setting a value for your body. In a recent debate about women in the adult industry, Kelly Holland, managing director at Penthouse said it better:

  “[sex workers] are as objectified as any of us working in any industry: for talents, skills, and yeah, looks. There is one aspect of your personality that is used for selling a product or doing your job.”

A redditor and upscale escort has even a more blunt way of spelling it out:

  “I always put it this way: day laborers get hired at way less than minimum wage to use a variety of body parts - their back, their knees, their necks get strained and overworked - and they're basically treated like dirt along the way. I used a few of   my body parts, got paid through the roof for minimal effort, and was treated with courtesy and respect 99% of the time.” (WhatsThisMeanAnyhoo)

2.     Money shouldn’t buy intimacy

Escorts are charging for their time, not for specific services. This can also mean that in addition to sex, many times clients are requesting dates (dinner, drinks, cuddling, talking). And paying money for intimacy is – more than you’d think – extremely common outside of the adult services’ field. It’s something we have all done at one point or another in life. Even mere courtship gestures such as buying a present for a crush in the hope of becoming lovers is a form of potentially buying intimacy. Columbia University sociologist Sudhir Venkatesh comes to confirm that intimacy and money are not mutually exclusive:

 “Men pay for more than sex, and there is a growing number of white collar/ people in corporate America are paying for fuller experiences.”

The rising number of reviews in praise of escorts who offer un-rushed sessions and girlfriend experience is telling of the large importance of intimacy even in paid-for relations.

3.     Escorts are treated badly by their clients

So many hints or jokes about abused sex workers are circulating all over the Internet as well as in face-to-face chats, that the cliché seems here to stay. While violence against women in the adult industry is a serious issue that needs further attention, most of the interactions with escorts are based on mutual respect.

The escorts who shared their experiences on Reddit paint quite a nice picture of their clients’ attitude: 

 “Most of my customers are very respectful. I don't work with anyone who's not.” (MemoriePatton)

 “Worked as an escort for several years, saw hundreds of men. 99% of customers were respectful and well-mannered. When a guy knows you can walk out at any moment and leave him totally blue-balled if he misbehaves, he won't.”  (throwawaaylmao)

4.     It’s all about dealing with streetwalkers and pimps

Thanks to technology, streetwalking is much less common these days. Any independent escort can post ads or have a profile on escorting sites such as EroticMonkey.com and others. Escorts hosting websites greatly improve the lives of sex workers, as they can run their job with only the aid of a computer. Being able to post ads and having profiles on specialized escorts’ sites does a great deal to cut the unwanted middlemen and helping independent escorts to become more autonomous in their own businesses.

 “Technology has changed the game entirely. The common depiction of a 'streetwalker' is a stereotype that, though it still exists, is in many ways long dead. If you have a laptop, access to a Starbucks and a Craigslist account, you have access to a  huge client base. […] I did it because it was the equivalent of running a home business. I posted online, and then I patiently waited and responded to emails while simultaneously watching TV, reading, relaxing at home. If I found one client that  day, I made $300. If I had two clients in a week, that $600 was more than I made at an office job making $11/hour […].” (WhatsThisMeanAnyhoo)

Being an escort is in many ways similar to running a small business. Screening clients, making appointments, keeping the schedule are all requirements in the escorting business. And they are not that different from the skills freelancers are using in various other fields. A redditor and fulltime escort lays out her business-mindedness:

 I CHOSE this line of work, and I run it like a business, a business that I love, and that I'm passionate about. I get to meet some really cool people that I probably wouldn't meet ordinarily, I get to travel, and I make BANK while doing it. (throwaway83495734)

5.     Escorts are vulnerable and fragile

Speaking of being clever and business-minded, escorts also tend to be independent women. First off, it takes guts to get into a profession so widely regarded as taboo. Gathering the courage to bail out of low paying jobs and make money on their own is an act of strength, and in more and more cases a deliberate decision. In the same talk about women in the adult industry, Kelly Holland contested the widespread assumption that escorts are not quite the brightest tools in the shed:

 “People depict sex workers as vulnerable is often to allow them to say “you need me to protect you” “we really had to break this stereotype that these women were just so fragile, and just not the brightest bunnies in the hutch. And so they  needed legislators […] to take care of them. […] We certainly need a safe place to work, we need respect in the workplace […] but the idea that we somehow need society and the legislators, and the state, and our government to take care of  these women is absolutely preposterous and it’s offensive to me.”

6.     Escorts are dumb

It takes more than just looks to become a sought-after escort. Being good at making conversation, and a bit of wit are necessary skills for escorts who make the cut to the upscale ranks. In fact, a portion of the escorts who are active in the U.S. are fulltime university students:

 “I am a full time student, in a STEM field.” (CallAnna)/ “I go to college to study gender and women's studies.” (drldrkimjongil)

That adult industry practitioners are often thoughtful persons, Kelly Holland can confirm based on her vast experience with sex workers:

 “I came into this business 20 years ago […] and what I found immediately and why I’m sitting here 20 years later is that I met the women in the business and they defied every stereotype, every cliché. I found them much more intelligent than I  would have with my own clichéd views about what an actress would be – you know, some bimbo that had just been bullied into this by her boyfriend. NOT the case, and actually less the case with women in this industry than in many  mainstream industries, where they fall into being waitresses or whatever they fall into and it’s not something that they embrace, it’s not something that they like. […] They’re the people who question the norm, who ask ‘why can’t I take my  clothes off? Your problem with that is not my problem and I’m not gonna let you subject you to that. That is the common denominator I find at people in this business.”

7.     Escorts keep their profession secret from everyone

Of course, privacy is key in the profession both because being an escort continues to be a stigma at large, but it also plays an important part in avoiding risks such as potentially pushy clients popping up uninvited at their favorite escort’s house. However, their profession is in many cases known to their loved ones, especially boyfriends. Those shared on Reddit are but a fraction of the escorts who also developed long-lasting romantic relationships:

 “I date regularly in my personal life, and have an amazing partner who supports everything I do.” (CallAnna)

 “I can have relationships, have been with my high school sweetheart for 10 years. He does know what I do and supports me 110%!” (homunculus89)

For escorting to become a commonly acknowledged profession, there are still many barriers to cross. What is becoming increasingly clear though, is that escorts are gaining ground in this direction. With the aid of well-spoken escorts, experts in the field of adult entertainment, and the non-human contribution of useful websites such as EroticMonkey.com, the misconceptions about the profession are way on their way to being dispelled.